This past Sunday, Dr. Joshua Straub shared about “rhythms of relationship.” Whether you are married or not, rhythms of relationship can apply to you. If you are married, rhythms of relationship doesn’t mean just keeping up with date nights. It’s not that simple. There’s more to it than that.  

John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” 

Apart from Jesus we can do nothing. He’s the vine. He’s the ultimate connection. It’s important to connect in our relationships too. The enemy tries hard to separate us. It is a slow and subtle divide. So, we need a strong connection when the enemy tries to separate us. 

There are three rhythms for staying connected, but before we can consider those, we must constantly be asking this one question. “Are our marital rhythms creating cultivating connection in a life-giving environment?” The reality is that if our relationship is not a cultivating connection, it’s cultivating disconnection. We need to pay attention to those patterns, to those rhythms. 

The key is creating a life-giving environment is asking yourself, “What is my motive?” Is your motive in the relationship one of connection or one of expectation? If you or your spouse has a motive of “expectation” and not “connection,” it will not lead to a life-giving environment because expectation leads to blaming your spouse.  

If you are connected to God, the vine, and your relationship with Him is all about expectation and wondering what God can do for you, you will be deeply disappointed with your relationship with Him. This is because He is not always going to come through for you in the way you wanted Him to. He will always come through in the way that is best for you. It just might not be how you “expected” it to be. So, let you motive be “connection” and not “expectation.”

The 3 Rhythms for Staying Connected are:

1. SHOWING US AS THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There’s a direct correlation between how you feel loved and how you love. You can’t show up well for your spouse if you can’t show up well for yourself. Seek out ways to help yourself like going to the gym, or therapy, and for sure praying. 
2. TALK ABOUT EMOTIONS. True connection matters more about what’s going on with your spouse’s heart. Dr. Staub reminded us that, “One of the keys to great leaders is their ability to talk about emotions.” He also encouraged us to talk to our spouse fifteen minutes a day about emotions – the positive and the negative ones. You can also go over the days’ highs and lows. The important thing is to stay connected to the vine. Jesus tells us in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” We should “take heart” and get in check with our emotions and stay connected to Jesus. Create a rhythm of talking about your emotions.
3. SET YOUR MARITAL RHYTHMS. It might mean that you need to establish a date night every single week, or that you need to have a time to connect with your spouse over coffee every single day. God created weekly rhythms and daily rhythms. For example, in Genesis chapter 1, He created the earth in six days, and rested on the seventh. He built in rhythms. He designed them. 

God has a great future in store for marriages. He set the family on this earth to be the foundational component. We can start with our marriages. You can work on strengthening your marriage together by cultivating connection in a life-giving environment and following those three steps listed. Stay connected to the vine (Jesus) and to each other. May God bless your relationship rhythms. 

By Kristy Ensor